I am in 6th year. At some point my life changed forever, I can’t figure out when, or why, or how. But it changed. One day I looked in the mirror, and truly hated, detested, and felt disgusted and what was looking back at me. All I could see were lumps and bumps, and fat. FAT. FAT. FAT! It made me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. So somewhere along the lines in the last two years I made a conscious or subconscious decision. I decided at some point that food was my enemy. I have lost two stone since then. I now weigh 135Lbs, at 5’6’’ that sounds healthy. But I’m writing this while in a rational frame of mind. I’m a jogger, and an athlete, I have competed in on teams for my city in many National Championships, in Dressage, Show Jumping and Eventing, and have been since I was 12. I train 7 days a week. Every week. I ride my horses for 2 hours every day. I also run about 5 – 7 miles every day. So I think it’s safe to say I am reasonably fit. I am actually classed as underweight for an athlete in my sport. I’m told muscle weighs more than fat. So at 135lbs I look a lot thinner than I sound. Or so I’m told. This is a curse, I walk into a room and I feel so nervous, I hate crowds, and my self confidence is gone. This is a curse. But what can I do? I just want to feel better. At some point I really hope it comes.
At some point I'll get all the life changes out of the way, and I will eventually get to talk about what's going on now. Live in the now or whatever. But for anyone who is reading this I want you to know my background. It's not like anyone else does. Not all of it anyway.
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